Hello group 14!

 

 

We are looking at your page and here are some of the things we've  thought of:

 

• Your  page provides good amount of information on a very important issue (especially now around the elections). We appreciated the choice of the content, because we didn't know anything about the healthcare system, which actually seems worrying! So thank you:)!

 

We know that the page is still under construction so don't worry... Anyway, we think that there still are some things you can still improve:

 

• Don't forget to put down some summarising introduction and a  title for the whole page.
• Other things that would be useful for a reader are:
  • a bibliography (we know there already is a list of references, but you also need to add a proper bibliography)
  • Italian videos (to get some sort of parellelism..)

 

Here are some impressions we got about the structure and language of your page:

 

• The first two paragraphs are very interesting, even though they seem to be a bit too long to read, because they provide too much information in a limited space. It would be helpulf for the reader to break the long paragraph into lists with short explanations of each item. We understand that in the USA there are differents health care programs, but it would be easier to understand the system if the information would be clearer and more properly organised. Adding colours or highlighting some important ideas would be of help, too...As for the language used in these two first paragraphs, we noticed some spelling mistakes and some "confusing" sentences, like for example:

   

   

  "Actually the system does not work properly because to be properly cured it seems you have to be poor or rich in the U.S."

  "Some States are trying to help more those people with financial problemes"

  "These benefits are different according to the state considered and risky jobs are linked to higher insurance costs than other safe jobs, that is not that democratic, because usually risky jobs are those which are paid less."

   

   

  We think these senteces could be re-organised to be clearer, since they seem to be "Italian-style".. A help for this could be a proof-reading by the peers of your group, as well!

  A further suggestion we would like to give you is to avoid personal comments like "but not to me" (which is in the introductory paragraph), because you are not writing on a blog, and the aim of any wiki page is to give voice to any idea or opinion..so, don't be too involved!

   

 

• The following paragraphs by Elena were really well organised and clear (thans to lists and words in bold), good job!

 

• We think that the videos could be included within the text, since they can better underline the problem and catch the reader's attention when reading.

 

• We suggest to you to create a table at the end of your page to summarize the comparison (once you have compared the two systems..), so that a reader can easily get a clear idea of the content of your wiki!

 

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Group 11

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