GROUP 11's FEEDBACK AND SUGGESTIONS TO IMPROVE THE WIKI PAGE:

 

Here you'll find 2 feedbacks, the first one was written on Monday in class, but we couldn't finish it, cause the wiki page was still in prorgess. We wrote the second one on Wednesday morning when we thought that your work was over.

 

Hi!

We noticed that the page is uncomplete so we would like to give you some suggestions in order to improve it. Take into account that our comments are based on what you wrote so far.

 

Contents and Organization

 

1) Does it do what it’s supposed to do? This would depend on whether or not there is an Introduction. If there isn't one, should there be one? Is there a table of contents? there is only one introductory line so it's difficult to understand the purpose of this wiki page. In our opinion, this introduction is too general so maybe you could develop it more in detail trying to focus on the specific topic of the page. Maybe you can turn the index into a table of contents in order to make easier for the reader to retrieve information.

2) Is there a comparison or are there conclusions? 

3) What do you like about it? (be specific)

4) Is there cohesion?

5) Is it relatively easy to read? If not, what could the writer do to make it easier for the reader? It's not so readable because there is no division of paragraphs. It would be better to divide it into sections. For example, you could use the questions of the index as the titles/subtitles for each paragraph. 

6) Is there balance and parallelism?

7) Is referencing done correctly? Probably, everything you wrote doesn't come from your personal knowledge so you shoul add the references with footnotes and/or bibliography

8) Are there parts that appear that they should be referenced, but are not? Look at what we wrote in the previous question.

9) Can you find any instances of plagiarism?

 

Language

 

1) Are there sentence fragments or any run-on sentences?

2) Are the verb tenses used correctly?

3) Are there words that need to be checked for spelling?

4) Are the beginning of sentences and proper nouns capitalized?

5) Do sentences have appropriate ending punctuation?

6) Is internal punctuation (comma, colon, semicolon) used appropriately?

7) Are pronouns used correctly?

8) Is the appropriate vocabulary used?

 

Sorry, but we saw that you're editing your wiki page while we're evaluating it. Now, there are new paragraphs and the layout is better. We'll carry on with our evaluation taking into account the new sections as well.

 

We must say that it is quite hard to evaluate your wiki page because you're continuously editing it and adding new things. Now, there is an introduction, a table of contents and a bibliography so the wiki page has improved a lot since the first time we had a look at it on Monday. As a consequence, some of our suggestions are not valid any more because you added the missing parts. Anyway, we'll read through it again and then we'll give you our final suggestions answering to the other questions regarding contents and organization and language.

 

 

Contents and Organization

 

 

 

Does it do what it’s supposed to do? This would depend on whether or not there is an Introduction. If there isn't one, should there be one? Is there a table of contents? Now there is some kind of introduction made up of one introductory sentence and a series of questions. In our opinion, the introduction should be a brief summary or overview of the wikipage, maybe explaining how the wiki page is organized

 

 

Is there a comparison or are there conclusions? Each topic is developed talking about America and Italy in two different paragraphs. There is no conclusion. You could write few lines to sum up the main differences you found. (And that would be both the conclusion and the comparison)  ;-)

 

 

What do you like about it? (be specific)

 

-         the layout of the introduction

 

-         the videos

 

-         the great number of information you find in this page ;-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is there cohesion? Yes, we think so.

 

 

Is it relatively easy to read? If not, what could the writer do to make it easier for the reader? It’s not so easy to read because sometimes the paragraphs are too long. You should divide it in more subsections introduced by subtitles, especially as far as the first topic “Sports in American students’ life” is concerned. You could also insert some images within the paragraphs, in order to make them more "dynamic".

 

 

Is there balance and parallelism? Yes, even if one part is missing. There’s just one thing we would like to point out: for each topic you created two paragraph, one for America and the other for Italy. The order is the first paragraph for America and the other for Italy, isn’t it? Be careful with the paragraphs dealing with the dark side of sports because they are in the opposite order.

 

 

Is referencing done correctly? Not completely, because there is a bibliography at the end of the wiki page but there is no referencing within the text. As Sarah said, for each thing you didn’t know before you have to give attribution putting the name of the source where you retrieved information within parenthesis or in a footnote. When you cite a site in the bibliorgaphy you should write the date of your last retrieve.

 

 

Are there parts that appear that they should be referenced, but are not? Yes. Look at the previous answer.

 

 

Can you find any instances of plagiarism? Maybe not plagiarism but we are not sure that the whole wikipage is completely objective. For example, when you talk about the reasons of sports violence in Italy, is it your opinion? Or did you read it somewhere? Maybe, you should add some data: statistics, for example.

 

 

Are there enough links to outside sources? Yes, there is enough bibliography.

 

 

Length - are the paragraphs too long? too wordy? In our opinion, some paragraphs are too long. In particular, we refer to the first section “Sports in American students’ life” in which you could add titles and/or subtitles.

 

 

Structure - is there a clear structure divided into paragraphs? Yes, except for the first topic.

 

 

Is there any use of multimedia? Yes, there are some nice videos.

 

 

 

Language

 

 

 

Are there sentence fragments or any run-on sentences? Yes, the sentences are quite good.

 

 

Are the verb tenses used correctly? Yes, there are only one missing “s” in the first paragraph ( “Sports represent a sort of bond that tieS…”)

 

 

Are there words that need to be checked for spelling? No

 

 

Are the beginning of sentences and proper nouns capitalized? Yes

 

 

Do sentences have appropriate ending punctuation? Yes

 

 

Is internal punctuation (comma, colon, semicolon) used appropriately? Maybe there are some problems with internal punctuation. In particular, try to check the use of punctuation in these three different aspects:

 

-         a comma is required after an initial hypotactic clause

 

-         sometimes the semicolon can be substituted by a period and you need to start a new sentence

 

-         a comma is required after sentence connectors such as “however” or “as a matter of fact”

 

 

 

Are pronouns used correctly? Yes

 

 

Is the appropriate vocabulary used? Yes, the language is accurate and appropriate.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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